Once you are married, your husband’s family becomes your family and vice versa. In an ideal world you would all get on superbly well without any problems at all; unfortunately, sometimes this is simply not the case. As most men do, your husband will have a very close relationship with his mother, she is likely to be the most important person in his life. Whether or not your marriage lasts, that bond between mother and son will never be broken. The last thing that you want is to cause any tension in their relationship, so it is vital that you get on fabulously with your mother in law.
Jealousy can be a root cause
Sometimes jealousy can play a part in the relationship between mother in law and daughter in law. This goes both ways; daughter in law is jealous of the relationship mother has with son, and mother is jealous of the relationship her son has with his wife. As a mother, she wants his wife to look after his son the way she did, so the mother has extremley high standards in terms of the way she expects her son to be treated by his wife.
Such differences can soon cause a bitter stalemate. According to counselor Denise Knowles, one of the main problems in mother and daughter in law relationships is the feeling of inferiority it causes. Mother’s will sometimes continue to mother their son’s even when he gets married, leading the wife to feel as if she is the second woman in his life instead of the first.
Your Mother in law can also be a blessing
As a daughter in law it is important to remind yourself that your mother in law can be a blessing, and it really can benefit you if you make the effort to improve your relationship. A mother in law can be a great source of support, not only in your relationship but also when you have children. Since she has raised her own children as well as maintained a relationship with her husband, probably since before you were born she can probably give you some very good advice.
Speaking of children, once they are born it is even more important that the two of you get on. Not for your sake, but for the sake of your children. Kids absorb everything that they see and hear around them; your mother in law is also their grandmother, and your husband will want them to have a good relationship with her.
Having a good relationship with your mother in law is essential; you want her to support your relationship with her son, unless she is on her last legs your mother in law is going to be around for a long time. If you don’t get on with her, don’t expect your husband to take your side, as mentioned he has a very strong bond with his mother and there is not anything or anyone who will break it. If you are harboring any resentment towards your mother in law, get rid of it, it will only damage the relationship between you and your husband. There is something good in everyone, look for the good points in your mother in law, focus on them and ignore everything else.
About Grace
Grace Pamer is a thirty something mom of 3 gorgeous kids and a full time writer. She writes romance and dating tip columns for various publications.
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